sex and the city

No matter how cliché can be using the TV Show Sex and the City as a reference for sex and relationships, it's always spot on. By watching the first seasons (the good and insightful ones) I've come to realize that I'm not a freak. And by that I mean, it doesn't matter how many boyfriends, girlfriends, hook ups, and one night stands you have, it's all part of life. It comes naturally, just as sex, to have gone through many partners in a short time. That's what being single is all about. We, and with we I mean I, might be to proud to admit I'm single, happy and living it, but deep inside, everytime we go out with someone, it's because most of the time, we see something in that person that makes me wonder (and hope) if it's gonna be the one, at least, for that moment and a few others; because if there's something life has taught me, nothing lasts forever.
I've also learned that it's not all about the physic, the good looks, and the social status. Even though B. is an asshole and never was really interested in me, it helped me to understand myself better in a way no one has done before. I have the tendency to look for some of the B. best qualities in people I'm usually interested in. Not because B's the only one who has them, but now I know for sure they exist in someone else, and better. And how do I know that?

I will introduce you to B.2. I know, I know, but it's not what you're thinking. Well, it is, but there's nothing bad I can say this time. I have admit I didn't meet B.2. casually, as I would have liked to, but nothing in life is the way you want to. Anyway, B.2. was (is) more beautiful than I could've ever picture. Seriously...the style, the look, the smile, the hair, the eyes. Everything was just right. I was in awe. But I didn't want to show that. Not after what happened last time. But at the same time, I thought that it was better to keep true to myself. I've gotten to the point that I'm not gonna change my ways to make someone like me better. I am what I am.

It might've worked. Even though B.2 lives in NYC, it's not a place I'm completely unfamiliar with, since I've been there 7 times this year. B.2. told me to say when I was going to visit, so, who knows. All I know is that, there's always someone better than the last one. Just because you feel it's the only person in the world, it doesn't mean it's true. Seriously, there are more fishes in the sea.

So, Thanks, Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte, for showing me than there's nothing wrong with being a bitch, and by bitch, I don't mean sex. I mean life.



Mood Style: Carrie Bradshaw Style

Glasses: Aldo
Knitwear: Allsaints
Shirt: Zara

Peace

420 weekend

Style Mood: Happy Hip

Hat: Ben Sherman
Shirt: Zara



Peace

6 months and counting...

Six months in the U.S.A. sure have had caused an impact on me. Ever since I´m in Boston, I'd waited for my life to change in a 360° degrees way. Instead, I still feel the same way. Well, I wouldn't say exactly the same but I realize that I, as venezuelan, am not that different from americans, neither alike.

I really had thought that by now, I would have a partner I'd be deeply, madly, crazy in love with. That the kind of person I'd always seen in movies and tv shows would be fascinated by me. It almost happened, so I believe. But I don't wanna talk about that (B. moved back to Gloucester. Period. End of Story).

In six months I've been able to improve my english, which had led me to meet many different people and, why not, to get into some intimate random hook ups, some more or less memorable than others. At this point, however, I'm still trying to figure out what have really changed in my life. One thing I'm sure it did, my perspective on them. I've practically forced myself to low down my expectations. In fact, I should have zero of it. Some friends tried to warn me. But I guess I had to see it for myself. They indeed are nice people. Highly educated and some of them very inteligent. After the first meeting, though, there's nothing left to say. Literally, I never get to see them again. Why? I don't know.

I wonder, what's the point in being nice, kind, and gentle? Why do they bother in saying tons of compliments when they actually don't care about a next time?. I've been fooled. Hollywood fooled me. Shame on you.

I feel emotionally stucked. People come and go. They do come and go like money flying out of the hands. Such unstabilty has made me wonder what do people see in me, before and after. What changes after the first meeting? I have the feeling that once the fun it's over, I'll have nothing to hang on to. Yes, I have my friends, and I love them, but for my whole life I've had this hole in my heart no one has been able to fulfill.

I'm trying to figure out my mission here. All I can think of is to watch and learn. To be an spectator. To live like I were some kind of omnipresence. Perhaps I'm not ready for what I'm looking for. After years of analyzing, I've come to think that Life wants to me to be surprised and to expect the unexpected. No tricks this time. No guesses.

I can't wait.


Peace

flying high

Style Mood: Aviator

Jacket: Vintage Members Only
Tee: Urban Outfitters
Pin: Aldo

Peace

early mourning

A few hours ago I received through Facebook an invitation for an event. When I checked it said: "Lisman Ato Funeral's Service". What? I though I was misreading. I read again. A funeral? I clicked in and I read the whole thing, described as if it were another trvial event. I could only read the words "celebrating his life" and "sudden lost". Was he dead? No. This must be a joke. But it's not April's Fool Day. What is this?

I got into his Facebook profile and there it was. Hundred of wall posts talking about his death, saying goodbye like he could actually read them. I've always wondered, why do people do that? Why'd they leave messages on his profile, knowing he's not gonna check it again? There's something poetic and creepy about it. Some people were asking the same question I had in my mind...What happened? The last time I saw him was during the Hurricaine Irene weekend in New York City. We bumped into each other. Actually, that was kind of unpurposed. I knew he worked there and I was hoping to see him after such a long hiatus. And there he was. Right exactly at the place we met a year ago. I remember that moment vividly. It was so different from everything I'd experienced before. We had a great time. We kept in touch. Even though we weren't really close friends, we had an unique connection. A platonic relationship. We could've bumped into each other from time to time, and still feel the same.

I couldn't help but crying, I cried so hard it gave me a headache. I was in a state of shock. I couldn't fathom, and still can't, why such a bright young life had to be taken away so fast, so soon. He had so many dreams and ambitions, and he was working damn hard for them; he was on his way. Deep inside I hope he's reading what I'm writing and know I'm feeling his loss. New York won't ever be the same for me. The New York I knew for the first time is no longer there. And everytime I walk by the place he used to work, I'll remember him.

This made me think how short life is. How short life can be for someone. Sometimes, it can be a reminder to re evaluate whatever you're doing with your life, with your youth, and to think whether it is the right thing. To think whether you are living to the fullest and to make sure you're not wasting a minute of it. I've lost many people in my life. Friends, relatives. And everytime I make myself the same question: "What am I doing with my life?". It's time to make priorities and appreciate what I have right now, not what I am missing. I have to remember that if someone or something is not present in my life, it's not worth my time missing it, even if it's not the easiest thing to do.

Lisman, I'm sure you touched many lives, and I want you to know you touched mine. Thanks for being part of it, and making my first memory of New York, unforgettable.

Peace

badass

If I was anything this weekend, was a badass.

I failed my last session's test, which means I didn't graduate from the English Program. At first I couldn't believe it, I'd never failed anything in my life. I always had this idea that I was able to do anything I want, and get away with mine. As I get older, this seems to be less and less effective. I end up paying the consequences. I failed. So what? I'm not obligated to please anyone. And there's no way I repeat that test. Fuck it.

I met 3 people today. And I liked one of them. We just sat on the steps outside and they invited me a drink that I don't remember what it was, but it tasted good. They asked me a lof of questions. It felt nice. One of them left early, and we remained 3. I only know the name of one of them, M. The others...damn I don't remember! I was left alone with the one I found cute, and I'm sure we exchanged flirtatious looks. I'm sure. I was in a 420 mode, so I'm right.

They felt hungry and we went to Jae's together, just to walk them. "It" played funny, silly and "friendly" games on me, and I went with the flow. It was so funny. I was kinda scared I might have been to obvious in front of M:, but I think I was discreet enough.

Once in the house, they gave me some Thai soup. I loved it. They were so nice to me. I was hungry but I didn't want to show. But "It" knew it and I couldn't say no. Who says no to free food? We got in M's room and to my surprise, there was a very cool balcony outside, surrounded by Christmas lighting, a table, and a couple of chairs. I realized then that the music from the background came from artists like Sade, P!nk, and other contemporary pop artists. M. sang along with many of them. Tiny voice, but judging by the keyboards and guitars hanging in the room, must be a musician. While M. got lost for a while, it gave me the opportunity to talk more in depth with "It". And how I took it. We talked about life and traveling. For instances I thought that M. left us alone unpurposed. We sorta flirted, in a friendly way. Started talking about his lovely dog, Gale (or Gail) and showed me so many cute pics. It would had been a sincere and genuine moment if it weren't because I saw that same dog 3 nights ago. I played with the dog. In fact, I was in the same house 3 nights ago. When "It" told me the dog was also being shared with the ex; I shrugged. I'd hooked up with M.'s roomate, a.k.a. "It"'s former partner.

I played my part well, and I had to tell a few lies. Later, before the ex came with the dog, which "It" said repeatedly they were on the way, I called it a night and left home before something really awkward would happen. I had fun, and they are people I would like to hang out again. But I don't think it's gonna happen. I better save up everyone a bad moment.

But if something I learned this year, I won't get away with mine. I'll pay, and big time. Not that I care. I'm a badass now.


Peace

the new next door

I got a new neighboor. I think he's the coolest guy I've met in Boston. He just moved from Florida, but before that he lived 3 years in Spain. As you can tell, his spanish is perfect. And he has the accent. His name is J. Since then, we've spoken a few more times and he's very easy going and we get along great. I'm jealous that his room is bigger than mine, though. Oh well, maybe it's the wooden floor.

Sometimes at night I hear him playing the guitar, or the trompet; he's great at both. He's waiting to get admit into Berklee College, reason why he came here in the first place. I think he's 420, so maybe that's why I like his vibe. I offered him help and it was cool to see he accepted it, unlike other americans who pretend they don't need anyone or anything. Socially suspicious and unfriendly, I would say. As open minded and progressive people are stated here to be, you never know sometimes.

Also, I met his friend, a curly funny shorter guy who helped him to move in. I don't remember his name, but he seemed to be as cool a J. I sometimes now see him playing music or walking down the hall. I doubt will have pictures but I'm try to get ones. My cam's not working, though.

I feel the rest of my staying will be filled with cool people and a lot of good music.


Peace