lunes, 20 de febrero de 2012


Haven’t seen you around

Since I’ve heard you moved out from town

But I still seek to every face that looks like you

Trying to find a way to feel better about myself

Cause I can’t stop blaming you for all the things you never did

Somehow got to me and changed

Everything in my life, from the way I sing to the way I kiss

I dedicate myself to deny you and your eyes

The ones I stared at so many times

And read the bad in you

From your mouth I drank the poison and spit it out

It caused an ache in my heart

And the smoke u left went into the dark


Since my last post, I returned to Venezuela, my home country. Before getting back here, I took the decision to go back to Boston to start a new chapter of my life, or better, to continue the one I left there. In a way, I'm glad I came back to my parents' house, because I feel it gives me some much needed stability after moving 5 times in two years. Now I'm back to where my life started, but it's not the life I chose, so that's why I've been working really hard to get my papers together to apply to different universities and hopefully get accepted. That would be where my real life will start.

I don't know if I told you, but I met a guy named Dave. He's probably the sweetest guy I've ever met. I like him and I want to see him again. I don't know if that's gonna happen, but I'm sure I want to try something with him. Some friends say that if that happens, I will get bored and dump him. Who knows? He's been on my mind everyday so far. I know it sounds crazy, but I haven't met anyone I like so much as I like him. He never writes me, though. I wish he did, but I'm patient. In the wise words of Lauryn Hill "what it meants to be will be"

I know I contanstly talk about changes. Life goes on, and after coming back home, I've got a different perspective of life. I haven't had sex in three months (a record), since I don't enjoy random sex and hook ups anymore. Dave wasn't the last one, but he was the last I really enjoyed, since I like him as a whole. I can definitely see myself involved with him, more than just a hook up. He felt that, too, I'm sure, or he wouldn't ever told me he didn't want to see me again right before I leave because he didn't want to get super connected with me. It's a risk he wasn't willing to take, and I get him, but at the same time I cannot help thinking he was a fool. He played it safe. He was protecting his heart, I think. He didn't want to get hurt because I'm sure someone hurt him before. I wouldn't be surprised if it happened right before I met him.

Last night I found Brian's facebook by accident. I wasn't expecting his name to show up on my list. I didn't know what to think. I reacted like a teenage girl. All those old emotions showed up after being M.I.A. for a while, and it was just like last summer. Suddenly I found myself infatuated again. Picture after picture, I only thought about his kissing and sex; the few nights we spend together and our chatting on the backyard, smoking and talking about life. I later read he moved to Chicago. I felt sad. I felt hopeless. Not that I had hope before, but now it was a certain thing I will never see him again. Why did I find myself thinking about Brian again, when he was an asshole? I will never understand him, but I'm waiting his reply as facebook buddy. Can I say epic fail?

It doesn't mean I stopped thinking about Dave, though. Well, I did, until the very next day he posted a pic of himself scuba diving in the Galapagos. I went "Aww" and suddenly it was all about Dave again. I'm such a mess when it comes to guys. And don't even get me started on venezuelan guys. What is wrong with them? By living in a country where sex is still taboo, it's no wonder why society is stucked on hypocrite-based way of living ideals that aren't relevant anymore to the new generation.

There's a pattern that seems to be chasing me. I've liked few guys in my life, and I think I can name them all... Axl, Brian, Dave....I'm sure I've liked others, but those are the ones who I've felt connected with. Now that I realize it, they ended for "leaving the country/town" reasons, whether it was me or them. They were never real relationships, though. So I don't know what to think about that.

I think I'm back for good this time...but I don't know. We'll see

Style Mood: Tan Swimmer

H&M Short
Hollister (I think) Tee